The Thoughts Of Yimika Adeniyi.

T oday I want to be thankful, I want to let you know Lord,  that I appreciate everything you've done for me. I thank you for things I'm too shy to say out loud.  I thank you for those I exclaim about out loud. Thank you for the hidden joys behind my sorrows. Thank you for the seemingly 'invisible' blessings admist the pain. I realized life is about perspective, The angle you see things from determines your conclusion. Perception is everything.  So today,  I'm going to focus on my joys,  on my laughter, on my peace,  on all that glitters, I choose to focus my energy on gratitude, Because through it all, Here I am afterall. 

Repetitive tendencies, You see I tend to feel the same way a little too often, Or think the same thoughts too much, And I try the same therapy all the time, I say, I'll trust, I say,  I'll hope, I say, I'll pray, You see it hasn't all changed.  I'm still going to trust Him, I'm always going to believe in Him, But I need a coping mechanism, Truth is,  I'm tired of coping, I'm tired of hoping, Trusting is wearing me out, This time I want victory, This time I want freedom, This time I want to conquer, I want to start seeing, I want to start feeling, I want my miracle,  NOW!

Mixed up emotions;  anger,  sadness,  helplessness, A feeling of hopelessness. Having to accept a rule imposed, while it clearly breaks you apart, Obedience when it wrecks your heart, Who can explain it? That feeling,  that feeling of helplessness,  Force is a word I don't want to hear of again, For with force, my will has been made nothing. 

Strength wearing out,  Pain,  tearing apart, Shame,  breaking out, Like an acne it spreads, How much longer can I take it?  Oh not much longer.  I'm about to burst, I feel it.  I'm blowing out,  I sense it,  I can't take this anymore, I know it, But where do I go to so I don't feel this anymore? How do I explain to myself a reasonable solution? Perhaps there is none,  I'm hanging by a thread,  It's tearing apart, I need rest, But I'll try to hold on, I'll trust though it seems I'm mad, I'll hope still feeling like a fool, Just maybe, maybe I'll make it through this. Maybe I'll stand again, Or maybe not, Maybe I'll fall, And break me beyond repair, But even as broken bones, He can make me whole, Who is He? His name is God.